Hey, Sephiroth!
by synonyms for scream
Summary: [AU] Naminé and Kairi were giggling. And looking at them. That was never a good thing. [hinted Zemyx?]


**Hey, Sephiroth! **by Ryuuka Sharingan Girl

**Summary: **[AU Naminé and Kairi were giggling. And _looking_ at them. That was _never_ a good thing. [hinted Zemyx?

**Opening Note: **_**Oh. My. God. **_Do _**not**_ ask me what I was smoking. I honestly can't remember. Oh, and the warning of Zemyx isn't really needed. I only refer to them as a couple; they don't kiss or anything.

Thankfully, the lords above are merciful and this crack is only a oneshot. And it's rather short.

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They were on a bus. They were on some _stupid_ bus, all because some _stupid_ vacation to some _stupid_ beach.

But that wasn't the problem.

Naminé and Kairi were giggling. And _looking_ at them. That was _never_ a good thing.

Then, it started.

"Hey, Kairi," shouted Naminé in a sing-song voice, grinning madly at the auburn beside her.

The boys paled in unconcealed terror.

"I think I hear my name!" laughed Kairi, adopting a confused expression and cupping a hand around her ear.

They trembled.

"Hey, Kairi!"

"I think I hear it again!"

Oh no.

"You're wanted on the telephone!"

Oh _**God**_ no.

Kairi turned in her seat and smirked at the brunette and silver-haired boy sitting side-by-side behind them. "Well, if it isn't Sora I'm not at home!"

While the taller girl giggled maniacally, Naminé continued the game. "Hey, Sora!"

Sora laughed despite himself and grinned widely. "I think I hear my name!"

Riku spun to his friend, aghast. "_Sora_!" he hissed, eyes wide.

"You jerk! How can you _betray_ us like this?!" snapped Roxas, leaning forwards from behind the brunette.

"Hey, Sora!" chorused Naminé, Kairi and…

"_**Axel?!**_" screeched the boys, gaping at the redhead. Axel smirked and winked at them.

"I think I hear it again!"

"You're wanted on the telephone!"  
Suddenly, Sora turned to Riku, a maniacal glint in his sky-blue eyes. Riku trembled in pure horror.

"_**Shut. Up. Axel,**_" he growled. "Don't encourage them!"

Too late.

"Well, if it isn't Riku I'm not at home!"

Riku groaned and hung his head, muttering curses under his breath.

"Hey, Riku!" sung the four, laughing at the pallid boy.

"I think I hear my name," he sighed, accepting his defeat. Roxas watched him with unbelieving, wide eyes.

"Riku! Don't give in to them!" he scolded, gripping the metal bar on the back of the boy's seat. Riku smiled at him and shook his head.

"Hey, Riku!"  
"I think I hear it again."

"You're wanted on the telephone!"

That look couldn't be good for Roxas. Especially when it was aimed at him like that…

_Crap._

"Well, if it isn't Roxas I'm not at home!" replied Riku in a mocking voice, his emerald eyes taunting the blonde.

"Hey, Roxas!" shouted the group, now with the welcome addition of Demyx.

The blonde twitched and bit his lip irritably. Oh Christ, the _whole_ bus was looking at him now. Even the driver was twisting in his seat to peer curiously at the person who had put a momentary end to the childish game.

"I think I hear my name," he muttered angrily, not wanting to be the object of attention for any longer. The occupants of the bus turned back to their respective activities, now that the game was back in play.

"Hey, Roxas!"

"… I think I hear it again."

"You're wanted on the telephone!"

Roxas paused. He thought. He shrugged, turned to face Axel and grinned. "Well, if it isn't Axel I'm not at home."

"Hey, Axel!" hollered the temporary choir, along with their newest member, Roxas.

Truthfully, it wasn't torture for the redhead, seeing as he _had_ been the first boy to join in on the game. He tossed his head with a huge grin and sung, "I think I hear my name!"

"Hey, Axel!"

"I think I hear it again!"

"You're wanted on the telephone!"

Axel shot a mirthful look to his left. "Well, if it isn't Demyx I'm not at home!"

Demyx laughed and waited for the game to continue. Beside him, Zexion shook his head apathetically with a sigh.

"Hey, Demyx!"

"I think I hear my name!"

"Hey, Demyx!"

"I think I hear it again!"

"You're wanted on the telephone!"

Smirking, Demyx slung a casual arm around Zexion's shoulders and rested his head on his boyfriend's shoulder. "Well, if it isn't Zexy I'm not at home!"  
"Hey, _Zexy_!" Zexion's eyes narrowed sharply at the emphasis on his unwanted nickname.

"…" Demyx shot a kicked-puppy look up at him. "… I think I hear my name."

"Louder!" shouted Riku and Sora, giggling insanely.

"Hey, Zexy!!"

"I think I hear it again."

"You're wanted on the telephone!"

Immediately, Demyx leaned up and whispered a name in his silver-haired boyfriend's ear. Zexion smirked and nodded to the blonde. "Well, if it isn't _Cloud_, I'm not at home."

"Hey, Cloud!" cried the larger half of their group.

The spiky-haired blonde, who had been in deep discussion with his travelling companion, looked up with an extremely intelligible, "Huh?"

"_Hey, Cloud!_" they repeated, almost screaming.

He blinked and furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. "… Oh! I think I hear my name."

"Say it like you mean it!" scolded Sora, placing his hands on his hips and leaning towards him.

"Hey, Cloud!"

Cloud shut his eyes tightly, trying his hardest to remember the rest of the song. Maybe if they finished singing it, they'd all _shut up_. "I think I hear it again?"

"You're wanted on the telephone!"

He opened his mouth to speak. Closed it. And gave the most maniacal grin any of them had ever seen.

Oh, this was _bad_.

"Well… If it isn't Sephiroth, I'm not at home," he said, shooting a look at the silver-haired man beside him. Sephiroth turned to him and arched an eyebrow.

Silence consumed the bus. Some low murmuring remained around the front, from the passengers who were outside the song. An involuntary shudder passed through every member of the group; they pressed their lips shut tightly and firmly glued themselves to nearby walls and friends.

The silence was broken.

"Hey, Sephiroth," said Sora, till in tune to the song, although his voice was trembling.

Everyone froze, and swivelled to gape from Sora to Sephiroth, who had yet to say anything. Nobody said anything else, even when Sora sunk back into his seat and curled up as close to Riku as he possibly could.

It suddenly felt a lot colder on the bus. Zexion and Demyx were huddled in a corner, Demyx watching Sephiroth worriedly. Riku and Sora were pressed up against the wall so hard it was almost to believe that they couldn't fall right through.

Roxas shifted back against Axel as far as the redhead would let him. His eyes darted to the emergency fire escape tool, and in his brilliant mind he formed a plan. At the first signs of any homicidal activity from Sephiroth, he would smash open the window, leap out and be saved the agonizing torture and pain that the rest of his companions would be subjected to. He wouldn't have to go on this stupid vacation, either.

There was just one _itty bitty_ problem with Roxas' plan.

The fire escape tool was _next to Sephiroth_.

He trembled and moved closer to Axel until the other was as far up against the wall as he could go. Unless the unthinkable happened, and they were all spared a horrible death, Roxas would need another plan. Meaning, of course, that he would most definitely need a new plan, because the unthinkable was—

"I think I hear my name."

—_that_.

… Oh. Wow.

"Wait, what?" asked Roxas out loud, staring at Sephiroth with wide eyes.

Sora wasn't alone this time. He grabbed Riku's hand and dragged his best friend to his feet.

"Hey, Sephiroth," they said, so frightened that it almost sounded like a question. But it was getting louder now.

Sephiroth smirked, closed his eyes and leant back against the bus window. "I think I hear it again."

Everyone was in now. "Y—You're wanted on the telephone!"

His eyes passed over the two girls sitting near the front of the group. Obviously, Sephiroth had been listening near the start of the song. "Well, if it isn't Naminé, I'm not at home."

All awkwardness flew out the metaphorical window.

"Hey, Naminé!"

Naminé giggled and flipped her blonde hair over her shoulder. "I think I hear my name!"

"Hey, Naminé!"

"I think I hear it again!"

"You're wanted on the telephone!"  
"Well, if it isn't Kairi, I'm not at home!"

Just as soon as the song finished, the girls high-fived each other and doubled over laughing, tears clinging to their eyelashes. The boys sighed and sunk back into their respective seats with relief.

Maybe Sephiroth wasn't as uptight as they thought… Or maybe he just wanted everyone to shut up? Eh. Either way was good.

There was a hushed, high-pitched giggle from two seats in front of Roxas. His head shot up. Oh _no_, they _weren't_ going to—

"The… wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round, round and round! The wheels on the bus go round and round, all the live-long day!"

Roxas groaned and slammed his head into the metal bar on the back of Sora and Riku's chair. Jumping out the window was sounding like a good plan right now, Sephiroth be _damned_.

—**Owari—**


End file.
